Am I The Narcissist? A Have A Look At Inverted Narcissism

Am I The Narcissist? A Have A Look At Inverted Narcissism

In my work with victims of narcissistic abuse I am more typically than not asked the identical question: "How do I know I'm not the Narcissist?"

When I requested my very own therapist this query so a few years ago she answered "If you happen to have been the narcissist you wouldn't be asking that query, because narcissist's will not see that the issue is with them." They are too busy projecting the problems onto those round them.

Nonetheless our own narcissism is a matter price exploring in more detail. For example: Why can we ask that question to begin with. What is it that makes us feel we're the narcissist?

In talking to a shopper immediately I had a big realization. She was telling me how she was at all times disappointed in her previous boyfriends or partners. They just did not measure up to her expectations. As we dug slightly deeper she defined how she has wavered between feelings of superiority and feelings of inferiority. She has built her personal phantasm or thought of who she was which in her own reality positioned herself upon a pedestal. So in a sense she was doing the identical thing a narcissistic personality would do. She sheltered herself from her emotions of inferiority by placing herself upon a pedestal. That pedestal created a false confidence.

So when the narcissistic personality comes into her life her false confidence is initially mirrored by the narcissist who displays to her the image worthy of the pedestal she has placed herself upon. But as the relationship progresses her feelings of inferiority are triggered as he projects his personal inferiority upon her. Now she is experiencing the feeling of getting her mate disappointed in her inadequacy just as she has been disillusioned in past companions for their inadequacy.

What's the distinction than between the narcissistic partner and the one who feels abused? Compassion and Empathy! The consumer I was talking to right this moment, recognized together with her companions emotions of superiority and likewise with his emotions of inadequacy. She had empathy for him. She didn't wish to see him hurt because she knows how painful it is to experience those same kinds of feelings. A pathological narcissist could give a rip about his companions damage feelings. He's only concerned with himself and his own needs.

The inverted narcissist, as Sam Vaknin calls it, is the right match for the pathological narcissist. Because when their false selves meet, the illusion of who they imagine themselves to be is bolstered to some extent where it could really feel like Cinderella meeting her prince who takes her out of her hell gap, the place she is made to wear rags and sweep ashes all day. Out of the blue she is swept off her toes, she suits the glass slipper perfectly, and is carried off to the Castle adorned with lovely gowns and riches fit for the queen she is.

Perhaps in this fairy tale, Cinderella all the time fantasized herself to be a queen, however she lived the reality of being an ash maiden. She was ridiculed and condemned by those around her and made to feel unworthy of the nice things in life. However she would show them someday. She would show them she was really a queen.

For these of us who come from painful childhoods where we had been somehow made to feel inferior, we are able to simply create fantasy worlds where we escape into never never land. We imagine ourselves as fairy princesses and that imagine our prince driving up on a white horse and sweeping us off our feet, carrying us from our humble reality to a fantastic castle the place we are treated as a queen needs to be treated.

In the psychic realm the psychosis of the pathological narcissist is a great match for the fantasy world of the inverted narcissist. Because on the earth of make believe an ideal fantasy is created where the King and the Queen of never by no means land get together and journey off into the sunset. It's such a good looking love story, within the beginning.

However all glass slippers finally break and so do the glass houses the "excellent" couple reside in. There love shouldn't be built on anything real, however rather an illusion of perfection created by both parties. She is saying "be my prince" and he is saying "be my queen." However once they settle into the Castle the true selves start to emerge. The feelings of inferiority start to surface. Each partners don't really wish to be discovered, less they risk losing their status upon that pedestal. "What if she finds out I'm really a frog?" He may think. And she may surprise "what if he knows the reality signs of a narcissist me, that I'm solely an ash sweeper?"
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